Baby don't you break my heart slow
by Quiet Time
Summary: Torchwood according to the song...Ianto/Jack Tosh/Owen Gwen/Rhys
1. Chapter 1

**Based on the song "Baby don't' you break my heart slow"**

**Everything belongs to the BBC. Except the song, this version of which belongs to Vonda Shepherd**

_I like the way you wanted me  
Every night for so long baby  
I like the way you needed me  
Every time things got rocky  
_

Rhys threw another uneaten meal into the bin. Gwen would have gotten a pizza by now. He wished she'd at least let him know if she wasn't coming home to eat. Such a waste of food.

He sighed heavily. That bloody special ops job. It had changed her. All through her training and her first years on the force, she'd come home to him. Her haven, she'd called him. Her sanity. She'd tell him about her day, not just what had happened but how it made her feel. And they'd work through it together, so she'd be back and strong again the next day. His effort towards the public safety, he'd called it, sending her back into the fray every morning.

But she didn't need him anymore. Not that way.

Rhys was dozing when the door opened. He listened to the sounds of her getting ready for bed, creeping in beside him, trying not to wake him. Sometimes now he was so fed up he let her think he was still asleep. But he heard the stifled sobs, and turned to take her in his arms.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"Bad day," she sniffled.

"Tell me," he said, the way he used to. And hope fluttered in his heart that maybe this time she'd take him up on it.

Gwen thought about the Cyberwoman. She thought about watching Jack, the man she was beginning to almost worship, with his gun against Ianto's head. If he could turn on Ianto, he could turn on any one of them. And most of all, she thought about herself, lying in a morgue, locked in a passionate embrace with another man.

"It doesn't matter, sweetheart," she said. "I'm home now. It's over." And she closed her eyes and reached for him, because it was easier to lie to him with her body when he couldn't look into her eyes. But a different face seared across her eyelids.

_I was believing in you  
Was I mistaken do you mean  
Do you say, do you say what you mean  
I want our love to last forever  
_

Gwen fell asleep in his arms but it wasn't long before she rolled away, muttering in her sleep. Rhys reached into his bedside table, pulled out the small velvet box. Looked at the diamond winking inside it. Diamonds are forever. But maybe we're not.


	2. Chapter 2

**Based on the song "Baby don't' you break my heart slow"**

**Everything belongs to the BBC. Except the song, this version of which belongs to Vonda Shepherd**

_But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie  
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye  
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know  
But baby don't you break my heart slow _

"_Need a hand getting it up Owen?"_

"_If I did it wouldn't be you"_

Tosh felt the words stab through her, sharper than a scalpel. Had she been fooling herself all this time? She tried to remember…had she just imagined it?

Christmas Eve, 3 am. Ianto hadn't come drinking with them. But then, he'd refused so many times they'd stopped asking, stopped even looking his way when they left. Suzie had vanished over half an hour ago. Jack and Owen were arguing. Tosh sighed. Nothing ever changes.

"Merry Christmas, you two," she interrupted. "I'm going to find a taxi. Enjoy your day tomorrow."

"Hang on, Tosh, you can't go wandering about by yourself. Too many drunks about,"

"What, like you, Owen?" Jack laughed.

"Sod off, Harkness."

"Not a happy drunk, is he? Anyway, Merry Christmas, Tosh." Jack's lips brushed Tosh's cheek. He stepped onto the invisible lift, vanishing even though they knew full well he was still there.

Something was fluttering inside Tosh's stomach. It sounded like Owen had been trying to get rid of Jack. To get her alone?

"Let's find you a cab," Owen grunted.

The flutter turned into a glow as he took her arm. Maybe this was it. Tosh slid her hand inside her coat pocket and fingered the sprig of mistletoe she'd filched from the bar, wondering if she'd be brave enough to use it.

There was a line of people waiting at the rank. Drunk and jostling. Tosh's hand was jerked out of her pocket, sending the mistletoe flying.

Owen bent to retrieve it. "This yours?" he asked, a smile sliding onto his face.

Tosh's own face flamed. "Must have …er….fallen into my pocket," she stammered.

"Shouldn't waste it though, eh?"

And Tosh's Christmas wish came true, right there in the taxi rank.

She was back in the present, playing one of Gwen's silly games. Telling the others about the Christmas kiss felt like a kind of therapy. A stupid moment. A senseless dream. Purged, now. He'd kissed _Gwen._ Already. The knowledge washed through her brain in a shower of ice, bringing clarity. Now Tosh could see the hunger in Owen's eyes, and it wasn't aimed at her. She watched Owen and Gwen scurry off together after firewood and felt vaguely like throwing up.

But at least now she knew.

-XXXX-

Owen and Gwen scampered off like a pair of deer in springtime. Tosh fled into her tent. Jack fixed Ianto with that stare again. And again, the young man fidgeted, unable to meet his eyes for long.

"Why did you lie?" Jack asked quietly.

"Didn't," Ianto responded. At least he wasn't pretending he didn't know what Jack was referring to.

"Your last snog," Jack persisted, "Was with me."

"Didn't think kiss of life counted," Ianto raised his eyes challengingly for an instant, then looked away again.

"You joined in when you became conscious," Jack pointed out.

Ianto shrugged. "Must have been thinking you were Lisa."

"Are you saying you didn't know who you were kissing?" Jack demanded

Ianto rose to his feet and dusted invisible dirt from his jeans. "One tongue's much like another, after all." No 'sir'. Not the slightest hint of deference.

"I'm crushed," Jack told him, feeling a laugh bubbling to the surface. Amazing how the butler persona drops whenever the others are out of sight.

"You had a gun to my head," Ianto reminded him. "You're the last person I'd have expected to be trying to revive me. Easier for you if I'd died, I'd have thought. Easier for me too. Why did you bother?" Ianto's voice raised, ragged with pain. "You should have just let me go."

"I'm not ready to give up on you yet," Jack admitted. "And I can help." He was on his feet too, reaching for the tortured young man.

"Don't touch me," Ianto spat. "I played up to you to get the job, and I played along to keep it. But Lisa's gone now and I don't have to put up with this shit anymore. Leave me alone."

Jack's arms fell to his sides. He tried to convince himself it was only the pain speaking. There'd been more to their stolen moments, surely? Ianto couldn't be that good a liar. Everyone could lie with their words and their bodies. But not their eyes.

But he wasn't sure. Ianto stormed away. Into their tent, out again with his arms full of his own belongings. Into Tosh's tent.

Guess I shouldn't have suggested he share with me, Jack thought. Maybe all those cracks about harassment were real. Jack's stomach twisted with guilt. Had Ianto just been submitting to keep his job? Did I not see it, or did I just not care? Is that really the sort of man I've become? And the thought made him feel sick.

But at least now he knew.

-XXXX-

Tosh looked up dazedly as the tent flap opened. But it was just Ianto, his arms full of his belongings.

"Can I stay here tonight, Tosh?" he asked. "I can't share a tent with him. I just can't."

Tosh sighed sadly and opened her arms to her friend. Amazing how close they'd become, in such a short time. All it had taken was bringing him a coffee. He'd been as lonely as she was. But now they had each other.

"Of course you can," she agreed. Her voice hardened. "I suspect there'll be plenty of room. I have a feeling Gwen won't be needing her half."

"Sorry Tosh," Ianto answered, returning her hug. "Forget him, cariad. You deserve better."

"Easy said," Tosh answered, shaking her head. "And you. What did he do?"

"Nothing new," Ianto answered. "Just hit on me again. But I think I finished it this time. And it's for the best. I'm just a game to him, something he plays with when he's bored. And I know I've just been using him."

Tosh looked at him shrewdly. "I don't believe that, you know. About either of you. Give it time."

Ianto looked back at her and a tired smile crept across his face. "We're both going to be stupid enough to hang in there, aren't we?"

Tosh sighed, nodded. "If we had the slightest bit of sense," she said, "we'd fall for each other instead."

"You're so right," Ianto tightened his arms around her, wishing the embrace would spark even the smallest hint of desire. But nothing, for either of them.

Tosh smiled again. "At least we know," she agreed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Based on the song "Baby don't' you break my heart slow"**

**Everything belongs to the BBC. Except the song, this version of which belongs to Vonda Shepherd**

_I like the way you'd hold me  
Every night for so long baby  
I like the way you'd say my name  
In the middle of the night, while you were sleeping_

"Right," said Owen tiredly. "Gwen's gone home to her husband. Tosh is sorted. I've fixed her up and her neighbor's agreed to check on her tonight."

"What about Ianto?" Jack asked.

"He fell asleep on the autopsy table while I was treating him, poor sod. Had to strap some ribs and put in some stitches. And he's concussed. Those cannibals kicked the shit out of him. I gave him some pretty strong painkillers and he's out to it. You can take him home when he wakes up. And make sure he's got someone keeping an eye on him.

"There's no one," Jack pointed out. "No next of kin on his files."

"I can't watch him," Owen said irritably. "I've got to take Tosh home. Need to tell the neighbor what to check for. Keep him here, if you can't be stuffed getting him home."

"He can't stay on the autopsy table," Jack protested.

Owen sighed in annoyance. "Then I'll help you move him. You've got a bed here, haven't you? Lend him that." The medic grinned evilly, "Probably not the first time he's used it."

Jack glared. Owen smirked. "We moving him, or what?"

Ianto twitched and murmured as he was moved. Even woke slightly as they handed him down the ladder. But the drugs hadn't worn off yet, and he was soon fast asleep again.

"Check on him every hour or so," Owen ordered. "No need to wake him up, just make sure he's," and the medic smirked again "Responsive."

Jack closed his eyes. "Shut up," he said tightly.

Owen shrugged. "If you don't want comments, you could try discretion. The rest of us don't really enjoy seeing you drool every time he walks past. " That evil grin again. "However good he is at twitching those hips."

"Get out of here, Owen," Jack said through gritted teeth. "Before I do something I'll regret."

I've turned him into the office joke, he thought, disgusted in himself. I have to make it up to him. And I don't know how.

Jack tried to work in his office. But Ianto had become restless, and he was calling out in his sleep. "Lisa," mostly. But there was "Jack" as well. And after the sixth time of being called, only to find that Ianto was fast asleep still, Jack gave up trying to work and simply sat against the ladder and watched him sleep. And listened.

"Jack, No, Help me." And "Jack, I'm sorry." Not surprising that he was having nightmares. Bit hard to take that I'm featured in them.

The words blurred, turned into screams. Jack knelt beside the mattress and tried to still the thrashing arms.

Ianto's eyes opened groggily. "Jack?"

"Yeah, it's me." Jack dropped his arms and moved back.

"You saved me, again," Ianto said wonderingly. "Saved all of us."

Jack shrugged uncomfortably. "Wouldn't have been anyone there to save, if you hadn't delayed them."

Ianto pulled himself slowly into a sitting position. His face paled as a wave of nausea hit. Jack's arms itched to help him, but "Don't touch me," echoed in his head, and his muscles froze.

"Guess I owe you," Ianto mumbled.

"You don't owe me anything," Jack said harshly, arms crossed tightly against his chest to stop himself reaching out again. They regarded each other in silence.

"Owen left more painkillers, if you need them," Jack offered eventually, turning to the ladder, trying to escape before he crossed the line again.

Ianto shook his head, paling again as the motion triggered another wave of nausea. "Don't go," he pleaded weakly. "I don't want to be alone."

"I thought," Jack said tensely, "that being alone with me is the last thing you'd want."

His hands gripped the ladder so tightly the knuckles turned white, Owen's contemptuous comments replaying in his mind. He had to fix this. Had to try, at least. "I treated you badly, and I'm sorry. You deserve more respect than I've ever shown you. It won't happen again."

Ianto collected his wandering wits. Between the terror of what he'd been through today and the effect of the drugs, his defenses were completely down. He'd been trying to make himself believe Jack was a heartless monster, but he couldn't. And he didn't want to acknowledge the pain in Jack's voice, but it was there. Actual pain. Ianto couldn't stand seeing anyone in pain. Not when he could fix it. Not when he _wanted _to fix it.

"I didn't mean it," he said, steeling himself for rejection. "Any of it. Any of the stuff I said."

Jack turned around slowly, leaning against the ladder. "You don't owe me anything," he repeated.

"Not even the truth?" Ianto asked quietly.

Jack's legs felt weak, suddenly. He gestured towards the mattress. "May I?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Ianto waved a hand vaguely. Couldn't risk nodding again. The room was already sliding in and out of focus.

Jack settled himself tentatively as far away from Ianto as he could get while still being on the mattress.

"I did play up to you to get a position in Torchwood," Ianto confessed. "For Lisa. Because I couldn't bear to let her go. But I…but you…" He stopped, swallowed. "It stopped hurting when I was with you. And I hated myself for that, too."

"And you're still hurting, aren't you?" Jack's voice was soft.

"Yes."

"But I'm not going to stop it this time," Jack said gently. "Not the same way, at least. You deserve better."

Ianto looked up, eyes distant. "Do I?"

"Yeah, you do. And one day, when you're ready, maybe you'll let me prove that I can do better. That I can _be_ better."

Ianto smiled, a tiny smile. "I think I'd like that. But," his voice shook, then firmed. "I'm not going to do casual. So don't….just don't ask unless….."

"Fine with me." Jack breathed a sigh of relief. Time. Patience. Respect. All the things he hadn't offered before. But his gut told him that this could be worth it.

"I'll get those painkillers," he offered. "Be right back."

When he returned, Ianto was lying on the mattress again, blankets pulled up to his chin.

Jack held the young man's shoulders while he swallowed the painkillers, then lowered him back onto the mattress. Watched him shift to the very edge in a wordless invitation. Plenty of room beside him.

It wasn't easy to hang on to his new resolve, but he did. Ianto slept in his arms, before long Jack's name was on his lips again.

But not a nightmare, this time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Based on the song "Baby don't' you break my heart slow"**

**Everything belongs to the BBC. Except the song, this version of which belongs to Vonda Shepherd**

_You would run around and lead me on forever  
While I stay at home still thinking we're together  
_

And I thought nothing could be worse than her not coming home, Rhys thought to himself. The woman sitting beside him on the couch wasn't Gwen. Just her shell. Something bad had happened. Something that had burnt away her spark and left ashes behind. And she was injured. And she couldn't tell him. Or wouldn't.

They both stood it for as long as they could. Finally Rhys rose without a word and headed for their bedroom.

I should follow him, Gwen thought. But she couldn't. What would she say? Sorry love, it's not aliens today. Today I looked into the eyes of humans and was afraid to be part of their species. How could he understand that? How could anybody? At least, anybody who wasn't there…

And then she remembered. There was someone. Someone who wanted her. Someone who she didn't have to hide anything from. Her mind shut down, her body took over - and she went – to Owen.

_Weeks later…._

The nights she came home before Rhys was asleep were getting more and more infrequent. Sometimes she didn't even answer her phone. Bloody special Ops job. Only now Rhys had to admit there was more to it than that. Running hot and cold. All over him, sweet and loving one minute, cold and remote the next. Over the weeks he began to put a name to the behavior. Guilt.

He put the diamond ring on Ebay.

-XXX-

When Tosh told her about Owen and Diane, something within Gwen broke and hurt. But the pain wasn't in her heart. Just her pride.

She waited until Owen was alone in the medical bay before confronting him.

"Were you going to tell me?" she demanded. "About _her_?"

"Her who?" Owen countered arrogantly.

"Christ, how many are there?" Gwen snapped.

Owen laughed harshly. "None of your business. You've been going home and shagging Rhys this whole time, so don't expect me to keep it just for you."

Gwen fled. But the scales were off her eyes now. She would end it. She would make it up to Rhys. Make up for her betrayal. Even if he never knew he'd been betrayed in the first place. From now on, bloody Torchwood and everyone in it, would just have to make way.

-XXX-

The Doctor couldn't make Jack better. But Jack knew who could. Who could make him a better man, if not a mortal one. And every drop of poise and charm deserted him as he stumbled out the invitation. But it all returned in a flood when Ianto said Yes.

"Before you left," Ianto said, "I thought…..but then you left. You went to _him_."

"Jealous?" Jack asked. "No need. I came back. For you. And you're still here."

"I waited. Because I don't do casual." Blue eyes eyed him defiantly.

Jack smiled. "So you said. And as _I_ said. Fine with me."


	5. Chapter 5

**Based on the song "Baby don't' you break my heart slow"**

**Everything belongs to the BBC. Except the song, this version of which belongs to Vonda Shepherd**

_I wanted our love to last forever _

Owen was back in the dark. And there was something else there, again. Not threatening, this time. Warm. How could there be warmth in the dark? Actually, not some_thing_ else, some_one _else. He wasn't alone. Whatever he was, he wasn't alone.

Tosh slipped into the dark, feeling her life running out with he lifeblood. But the dark didn't last. Actually, it wasn't dark exactly. More of an absence of light. And I don't really need light, since I've got nothing to look with, she reasoned. As I appear to have left my body behind, I don't have eyes. Odd sense of freedom, being disembodied.

She let her awareness float, seeking. There it was, the spark she'd sought so long. And it was reaching for her, too.

We're finally going to get that date…..and it's going to last forever, whatever forever is…..

-XXX-

There was a final, wrenching pain, and a high wailing cry. Gwen had cried many tears, these last months. Tears of grief, loss, sorrow, rage. But this was different. Tears of joy. In Rhy's eyes, too. A new beginning. A new world. Everything had changed. She had a new reason to fight.

"Would you like to hold your daughter?" And there she was, on her chest, the cries stilled by the sound of her mother's heartbeat. I will save the world for you, Gwen vowed. I will make a new one. A better one.

"Do you have a name?"

The new parents smiled at each other. "Amara," Rhys said. "It means eternal. Forever."

-XXX-

The Face of Boe released the sparks of his life force, sending them to save the earth one last time. Dying at last, and not alone. Novice Hame, loyal and caring. He remembered when he'd have found more to do with her than just watch from a jar. Ah well. So many lifetimes ago.

And Martha. Something about nightingales. And a red cap.

The Doctor. My old friend. The face blinked slowly, trying to remember. Had the Doctor ever been more than a friend? He'd left him, he remembered that. But was there more…perhaps not. So long ago. He couldn't remember. Something he had to tell him. _You're not alone._ Maybe he could change the past…..

His mind drifted, floated, reliving the best memories. And they were all about _him_. So short a time we had together, cariad. And you thought I'd forget, in a thousand years. It's been thousands of thousands….Forget _you._ Never could.


End file.
